Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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