I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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