i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
