you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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