Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
