this boner is exhausting
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I would ride that face into the sunset
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
