DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
