Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
