You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
