I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
