who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Who died my cat blue again?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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