Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
