Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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