it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
