This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
