Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
