I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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