FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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