UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
