i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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