and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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