It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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