Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
