So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
