Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
