So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Damn victory sex feels great
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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