im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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