Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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