I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
