So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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