Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize