i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
