I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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