im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
