I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
