Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
