The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
