He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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