she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
