In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We left the knife in your bed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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