He kissed a someone with a penis
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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