Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
