Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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