Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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