so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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