Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
