And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
