I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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