Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bang-toberfest begins!!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
