Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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