They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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