I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
