i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
