Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
