And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
