things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
