You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize