If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i dont even know how to be here
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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