i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
