His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
