I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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