Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
