for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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