If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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