Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
