is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
