Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
