and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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