I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
