Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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